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Friday, May 23rd, 2008
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10:13 pm - yet again, the Onion sums my life with ease:
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You'll have a lot of explaining to do this week when the mathematical constant W is somehow reduced to an irrational decimal, leaving x and y unbalanced on the other side of the equation.
c.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 2nd, 2008
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9:24 am
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from The Onion's horoscopes:
Prepare yourself for a year of incredible achievement and success. Do this by ignoring the first 11 months, three weeks, and four days.
in other news, i'm going to grad school this coming fall. but the mystery remains: where? and, why?
c.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 14th, 2008
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10:58 am - on why my mother is still the awesomest.
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she sent me an e-card with a dancing frog in a pink tutu. the frog has ballet slippers that fit frog feet. the frog is wearing two hearts for a bra. the frog dances.
and the message (not the crummy one the e-card site makes) reads,
If I could plie,
I'd put on a pink tutu and plie for you
If I could tango,
I'd wear silk slippers and dance on your zippers
If I were a baker
I'd send dozens of buns and hundreds of Tums
If I could hug you
I'd squash you with love
so you're lucky you're so far away.
yes. awesomest.
that is all. carry on, you internuts.
c.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, June 1st, 2007
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12:09 am - and i'm back to the Onion
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Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You think of yourself as the kind of person who hungers for all the knowledge and new experiences life has to offer, but actually you usually fill up on the free salad and breadsticks.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Although the editors at Penguin have received your letters and are sorry you do not "get" Milton, they will refuse to make any of your 3,264 suggested changes to Paradise Lost.
and:
Aries March 21 - April 19
Benevolent gods will finally take pity on you and reward you for your suffering, but unfortunately they're the gods of corn and lima beans and as such, reward you in succotash.
i hate succotash. not least because it's difficult to spell.
that is all.
c.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
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12:37 am - "it's a Barnum and Bailey world"
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a friend commented that i don't post on livejournal, and that when i do the posts are largely cryptic. i suppose this is true, since i am uncomfortable spewing too much of my life about the internet.
the news here is quickly told: these past few days i've cried a lot, slept very little, gotten a sunburn, gone out to Thai and to the farmer's market, made a lasagna, seen my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend (this is not the reason for the crying), resolutely *not* put away all the dishes, hunted for a job, looked at GRE books in the bookstore with M, landed a two-day job that involves me being Dressed Up, In Charge, and Gregarious (Pushy, even) but which pays quite well, signed up with a gym, caught up a little with L and J and made possible plans for another LadyFriend reunion in a couple of weeks, decided to send out some poetry, watched thirteen episodes of Six Feet Under (more if you count the ones i watched the week before that) and listened to my sister rant about her own sexy ass.
for you, dear readers, i have a question. while abroad a(nother) friend told me i am not in fact timid (or, really, shy is a better translation) but rather easily intimidated. so now i'm curious. tell me.
reading over all that, i declare it only half cryptic.
c.
current mood:  predatory
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, February 23rd, 2007
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12:23 pm
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the Onion tells it like it is:
"You will reach for the stars this week, once again proving your complete inability to accurately judge distances."
"Your inquisitive nature will soon see you demanding answers to a series of questions ranging from 'Huh?' to 'Who the--?' and 'Whazzat?'"
"Growing up, you always believed the house across the street belonged to an evil witch, but now that you're older, you realize that she was in fact only renting it."
c.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 24th, 2006
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6:53 pm
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i will be teaching in Nantes from October to May, leaving tomorrow. when i have a place to hang my hat (which i am leaving at home, actually), i will post again to let you all know. if you would like postcard, send your paper address to wildingcATalumni.reed.edu, or post in answer to this.
best,
c.
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
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5:19 pm
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| Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
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11:47 am
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when the weather gets warm in portland, it turns out i can work in ALL parts of the library without a sweater. how lovely! who knew?
c.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
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9:03 pm
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| Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
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11:11 pm
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EDIT: according to my cell messages, my two-day metrocard was lost or stolen, but i can get in touch with the mta from 9-5 monday through friday. needless to say, i haven't had a metrocard in months.
c.
Three post-metrocard options from the Onion:
1. All right, you son of a two-dollar bitch, try this one on for size: "This is a good week to start new projects." Is that ambiguous and nonconfrontational enough for you, you toothless, horse-fucked simpleton? Well, is it?
2. For the third straight evening, your wife and children will suffer the brunt of your frustrations when you bring your lack of work home with you.
3. A gunslinger will come to town and promise on his mother's grave to put you in a box in the ground, but he will turn out to be the colorful, well armed architect you hired to build your subterranean mansion.
i am hoping to annoy someone somewhere with my lack of work, i hope not to start new projects, i love modifying "sonofabitch" with "two-dollar," and someone clearly needs to build me a subterranean mansion. or a pirate ship. while they're at it, they can get on a renn fayre costume.
c.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 24th, 2006
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10:35 pm - in which i laud my mother
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my mother wrote me an email and signed it "SWAK, Mom." i asked her what SWAK meant. she sent this.
sealed with a kiss--an expression from the old days, when paper was written on and placed into envelopes that were sealed and then posted. which comes from the old old days, when the envelopes had no adhesive to lick and were sealed with molten wax, which came from wax mines at the foot of volcanoes such as Mt. Hood, Tora Bora, and Baghdadispeak. before the invention of asbestos mitts, the hot wax was carried between the haulers' lips, which is where the expression "my lips are sealed" comes from.
:>) mumsie
sometimes i miss her desperately. so glad she'll be here, soon.
c.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
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10:36 am - i know i'm counting chickens. i know i'm gonna jinx it. BUT. those who don't read weather forecasts,
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avert your eyes.
if i do not have something to look forward to, i simply will not finish. so here it is.
Friday, April 28: Partly Cloudy. 81 degrees.
gods of weather, please comply.
c.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
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11:47 pm
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| Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
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10:19 am
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The Onion forecasts for my life:
"After days of panic, you will experience relief again this week, when directors at the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists realize their mistake in setting the Doomsday Clock ahead for daylight savings time."
"Difficulty telling right from wrong will lead to indulgent behavior this week, which in turn will lead to difficulty telling right from left."
"A passionate and intelligent debate over semantics this week will unfortunately get bogged down by pragmatics."
c.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 1st, 2006
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6:49 pm
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my body has decided that catnaps are no longer possible: if i sit down (or lie down, but recently all my nap have been in the library chairs...) to take a catnap, a two and a half hour sleep is the inevitable result. to quote the President's media advisor, "I feel like a wooly mammoth."
also, if i were a camel, i wouldn't have to finish my thesis. the same, i am sure, goes for wolly mammoths.
c.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
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7:34 pm - hooray!
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| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
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10:27 am - a new way to write my thesis
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according to the internet, my haiku life is pretty simple: food, sun, sex, jealousy, paper anxiety, and poetry. except i think i skipped all the ones with paper anxiety.
child's physique oh yeah
jealous and thinking about
prose poetry and sun
scares and scurries.-wrote
this post.(-add a boy and a
blanket or a good
thought i want to use
a structure similar to
the tyrannical
fountain and by god
the photocopier there's
even a window
all sorts of dumb shit
i will eat cake for breakfast
actually dinner
rain the back door is
open it's like i've just had
coffee but without the
realize that they're all
sitting in bed wearing my
sexy underwear
c.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
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11:17 am
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why am i always so cold when i'm in the library? i mean, i have a shirt, a sweater and a blanket. i want to go home, turn up the heat, and curl up under a blanket. or a boy.
whine whine whine. WHINE.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
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11:16 pm - academania, as my father calls it.
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it's a gorgeous night, with clear stars (orange, yellow, white) and an i'm-going-to-trick-you-into-thinking-it's-spring temperature. walking the rca path, i thought, "i want to wander around without my clothes. i want to open all the windows and let the cold in. i want to write a luminous essay for lisa." not, "have sex" or even, "write poems for max." i might be an academic, after all. scary.
c.
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